Politeness and Gender

Are Women More Polite Than Men?


Politeness is defined by the concern for the feelings of others.

From Nancy Bonvillain's "Language, Culture, and Communication"
she notes that, "women typically use more polite speech than do men,
characterized by a high frequency of honorific (showing respect for the
person to whom you are talking to, formal stylistic markers), and
softening devices such as hedges and questions."


Sociolinguists try to explain why there is a greater frequency of the
use of polite speech from women than from men. In our society it is
socially acceptable for a man to be forward and direct his assertiveness
to control the actions of others. However, society has devalued these
speech patterns when it is utilized by women. From historical
recurrence, it has appeared that women have had a secondary role in
society relative to that of the male. Therefore, it has been
(historically) expected from a women to "act like a lady" and "respect
those around you." It reflects the role of the inferior status being
expected to respect the superior. In Frank and Anshen's "Language and
the Sexes", they note that boys, "are permitted, even encouraged, to
talk rough, cultivate a deep "masculine" voice and, if they violate the
norms of correct usage or of polite speech, well "boys will be boys,"
although, peculiarly, it is much less common that "girls will be girls"
Fortunately, these roles are becoming more of a stereotype and less of a
reality. However, the trend of expected polite speech from the female
continues to remain. This is a prime example of how society plays an
important part on the social function of the language.


Honorifics: linguistic markers that signal respect to the person you are speaking to:

"Hey ma, fix my jacket"
Mom, could you please do me a favor, and fix my jacket?"

In Japanese, according to Masa-aki Yamanashi, the appropriate
choice of honorifics is based on complex rules evaluating addressee,
referent, and entities or activities associated with either. Example
taken from Nancy Bonvillain's "Language, Culture, and Communication."

1. Without Honorific.

yamada ga musuko to syokuzi o tanosinda
yamada son dinner enjoyed
"Yamada enjoyed dinner with his son."


2. With Honorific.

yamada-san ga musuko-san to o-syokuzi o tanosim-are-ta
yamada-HON son-HON HON-dinner enjoyed-HON
"Yamada enjoyed dinner with his son."


Hedges:
"loosely speaking", having a sense of "fuzziness" they take away
assertiveness in your statements, soften the impact of your words or
phrases such as " I was sort-of-wondering," "maybe if....," "I think
that...."


"HANK is SO MEAN!"
vs.
" I sort-of-think that Hank is a bit of a mean person."